Missing My Connection

I have been friends with Peter* for about 15 years. We met during a 5K-charity walk. I was rounding down my walk and headed toward the finish line when this goofy, nerdy guy (and I say that with affection) that I had never seen before pops up at my left elbow.

I jumped about 5 feet off the ground, and he spent the next few minutes apologizing. Somehow the conversation segued into dating. He found out I was single and invited me to his place for a home-cooked meal. After finding out that we knew several of the same people, I promised to call to set a date.

I contacted our mutual friends to see make sure he was not married, on the down low, or a sociopath. Everyone liked him, so I gave him a call and made arrangements to come over.

It’s been a long time since that day. I remember that Peter prepared some weird dish that I did not care for but managed to choke down. I also remember him being a great conversationalist and an all-around nice guy. He was definitely someone my mother would love (in fact, she has met him and she does love him) and someone I would love to date.

Unfortunately, the timing was bad. I was set to leave for graduate school in a few months. We did, however, keep in touch. I remember feeling a twinge of regret when Peter announced his engagement and some relief when it was broken off.

Through the years, I’ve always made seeing Peter a priority whenever we are traveling in the same city. He’s hit on me a few times, but I am remarkably dense – I can never tell when a guy likes me unless he comes right out and says so - and Peter is really not that aggressive. I am still shocked that worked up the nerve to approach me that first time. This has made for several missed connections.

Last week, amidst growing romantic feelings, I sent Peter an email (yes, it’s cowardly, but it was the best I could do), letting him know once and for all how I felt. I invited him out for my birthday and said that I just wanted to see him. I never got a response.

He updated his Facebook page, his LinkedIn profile, and posted to Twitter. There was no response to my email message. After a day of great agitation I removed him as a connection from every single site we share in common and set up a rule on my email server that all messages from him were to be discarded before they hit my inbox.

It was bad for my state of mind – and my reputation at work – to spend the day in such a state of distraction. I was not able to get everything done because I was checking my Blackberry every other minute.

I am a bit sad because I will miss his friendship; Peter is a great and loyal friend. I feel like a fool for opening myself to someone with so little regard for my feelings that he can’t even spare 5 minutes to reply back, "Sorry, but I am not interested." One thing for sure, I will no longer be dating black men.

*Names have been changed to protect the innocent.