Where in the world is...?

My mother left a message for me the other evening. Apparently, my father has been relocated back to his board and care. My stepfather found out when he went to drop off a box for my dad. I have no idea how or why this happened, but hooray!

Poignant Memories

Thanks to an injury, I spent several weeks at the beginning of the year lying on my sofa with my feet elevated above my heart. To alleviate the sheer boredom that came from lying around doing nothing, I decided to invite my mother over so we could finally tackle the task of sorting through the photos in the 70+ albums my grandparents left behind when they died.

I saw some old photos I don’t think I’ve seen before like the maternal grandmother of my maternal grandmother and a picture of my mother with her long-time bestfriend that was taken when they were both in junior high.

There were also, perhaps, a couple of hundred photos of me with my family at the pool at my grandparents old home. That house was sold when I was in college, and I had forgotten how many memories were associated with the pool.

My maternal grandparents had an old home with a huge backyard that included a large pool and an “old school” pool house. It had a large play area along with a tiny, tiny bathroom. There was a storage shed in the back with our toys and flotation devices.

My mother, father, brother and I would pile into the car practically every weekend to spend the day outside by the pool. When I was younger, I was no fan of the water. I would have to be carried to the water where I would cling to my mother like a barnacle to a ship.

As I became older and less timid, I swam on my own. My brother and I would run around and scream and laugh.

Every once in a while, godparents and aunts and uncles and cousins would join us. There would be barbeque and games and swimming contests and lots of laughter.

I learned to skate in the backyard, using the concrete around the pool as the smooth, flat surface that was best for learning on those old metal skates.

My childhood bestfriend and I exchanged friendship bracelets after she came over one afternoon early into our friendship.

It’s interesting because today many parents would throw up their hands in horror at the thought of young children wearing floaties or skating on the concrete around a pool while wearing heavy metal skates.

However, these memories are among some of my post poignant memories from my childhood and I would not change them for anything in the world.

Love Lines

I’ve not heard from Peter since our conversation at the end of November. This feels like a chapter from He’s Just Not That Into You.

I have, on the other hand, reconnected with George on Facebook. He responds promptly to my messages and, in our one phone conversation, seems like a genuinely nice guy who is interested in what I have to say.

I wish there was some way to issue Peter an un-vitation so that I could have George come down for my birthday bash instead.

Weight Check - December 5, 2009

Current Weight: 297 pounds
This Week’s Weight Gain or Loss: 0 pounds
Goal Weight: 140 pounds
Goal for Next Week: 5 pounds

My Favorite Holiday

My favorite holiday is New Year’s Day. For me, the New Year is not just a chance to start over anew but also a time to celebrate my life since my birthday falls around this time.

Love Lines

I spoke with Peter this morning. He is flying in for my birthday.

Daddy Drama

If there is one thing I have become tired of in the few years since I have taken over as power of attorney for my father, it is the daily drama factor. Like many people on his side of the family, my father does not embrace the notion that, ‘the shortest distance between two points is a straight line.’ Anytime my father can take the most circuitous and time-consuming route, he will.

The opinion of anyone with a penis always overrides what I think. It takes forever to finish the simplest of tasks, and I literally have some errand/task to perform for him everyday in addition to managing my own life.

Right now, his home is in escrow. One mortgage company has agreed to the short sale. The other mortgage company is trying to put him in foreclosure.

In addition to that, I recently found out my father was diagnosed with cancer. His radiation treatments have already started. Since multiple breaks from work to deal with my own health problems and his issues has depleted my savings, I really cannot take anymore time off. He attends the treatments on his own. He has a shuttle service that takes him to the hospital.

It is a shuttle service he already uses, and they are highly unreliable. Fortunately, the American Cancer Society has a low-cost shuttle that is available to senior citizens. They will pick my dad up from his board and care and take him to the hospital. Unsurprisingly, my father has decided on another option.

He plans to relocate for 5 weeks to a furnished apartment near the hospital. This might work for someone that is independent. I cannot figure out how my dad plans to bath and feed himself. He cannot do this task on his own, and I am not moving with him.
I found out about this yesterday. The move happens this weekend. I think I am just going to turn my phone off.

Tales from the Bus

Someone once posted on one of my message boards that it's considered rude in the UK to hold conversations on pulbic transportation above a whisper. I wish the same were true here.

I generally spend the bus ride with my head buried in a book. It helps me avoid the crazies and provides the added bonus of allowing me to more quickly working through the 90+ unread books on my shelves. Last night, a loud noise gradually intruded on my peace. It was the sound of someone singing Christmas songs out loud. I am all for a little holiday cheer, but I am not interesting in hearing Joy to the World in off-key.

Weight Check - November 28, 2009

Current Weight: 297 pounds
This Week’s Weight Gain: 0.5 pounds (thank goodness this is all I gained during the holidays)
Goal Weight: 140 pounds
Goal for Next Week: 5 pounds

What's the worst job you ever held, and why was it so awful?

The worst job I have ever was when I worked at an IT project manager for a mid-sized company in Wichita. Working there was like being transported back in the 1950s.

Shortly after I started, I found out that a report went out of anyone who checked in after 8AM. I was running a few minutes late one morning due to a dead battery. I called my supervisor who warned me to be half an hour late so that I would not get written up for tardiness. Apparently, anything after half an hour was seen as something that was probably excused and so not investigated. If I had known they were prone to such tight-assed nonsense I never would have accepted the offer.

I also had a rather heated debate a lunch one day with coworkers (actually, it was rather one-sided because I refused to argue with them) over Anna-Nicole Smith. Apparently, everyone at the company hated her because the President/Owner did. He hated her because her deceased husband had been a friend of his family and he felt Anna-Nicole was a gold-digger.

J. Howard Marshall looked like death on a stick when they married. If Anna-Nicole let that withered old man touch her then not only does she deserve every dime, but she also deserves an Academy Award. After all, I have seen her speak and watched her in motion. I am pretty damn sure that J. Howard Marshall did not marry Anna-Nicole for her sparkling wit and scintillating personality.

Any way, I stated my case along with the fact that wealthy old men can avoid gold-diggers by marrying women their own age, but my coworkers were having none of it. Apparently, the President/Owner of the company felt a certain way and so everyone else must too. Whatever. I have my own opinions.

Not surprisingly, my first performance evaluation went rather poorly. When I protested, I was called into the office by my bosses’ boss and told it was not my place to question the opinion of my betters (exact words). I mentally checked out that second and handed in my resignation a few months later.

Every once in a while, one of them tries to connect with me on Facebook or LinkedIn. I always refuse.

Missing My Connection

I have been friends with Peter* for about 15 years. We met during a 5K-charity walk. I was rounding down my walk and headed toward the finish line when this goofy, nerdy guy (and I say that with affection) that I had never seen before pops up at my left elbow.

I jumped about 5 feet off the ground, and he spent the next few minutes apologizing. Somehow the conversation segued into dating. He found out I was single and invited me to his place for a home-cooked meal. After finding out that we knew several of the same people, I promised to call to set a date.

I contacted our mutual friends to see make sure he was not married, on the down low, or a sociopath. Everyone liked him, so I gave him a call and made arrangements to come over.

It’s been a long time since that day. I remember that Peter prepared some weird dish that I did not care for but managed to choke down. I also remember him being a great conversationalist and an all-around nice guy. He was definitely someone my mother would love (in fact, she has met him and she does love him) and someone I would love to date.

Unfortunately, the timing was bad. I was set to leave for graduate school in a few months. We did, however, keep in touch. I remember feeling a twinge of regret when Peter announced his engagement and some relief when it was broken off.

Through the years, I’ve always made seeing Peter a priority whenever we are traveling in the same city. He’s hit on me a few times, but I am remarkably dense – I can never tell when a guy likes me unless he comes right out and says so - and Peter is really not that aggressive. I am still shocked that worked up the nerve to approach me that first time. This has made for several missed connections.

Last week, amidst growing romantic feelings, I sent Peter an email (yes, it’s cowardly, but it was the best I could do), letting him know once and for all how I felt. I invited him out for my birthday and said that I just wanted to see him. I never got a response.

He updated his Facebook page, his LinkedIn profile, and posted to Twitter. There was no response to my email message. After a day of great agitation I removed him as a connection from every single site we share in common and set up a rule on my email server that all messages from him were to be discarded before they hit my inbox.

It was bad for my state of mind – and my reputation at work – to spend the day in such a state of distraction. I was not able to get everything done because I was checking my Blackberry every other minute.

I am a bit sad because I will miss his friendship; Peter is a great and loyal friend. I feel like a fool for opening myself to someone with so little regard for my feelings that he can’t even spare 5 minutes to reply back, "Sorry, but I am not interested." One thing for sure, I will no longer be dating black men.

*Names have been changed to protect the innocent.

That’s probably why it’s best to wear a belt

I am back to taking public transportation. It’s cheaper than keeping gas in my car, and easier on my mental state of mind (the freeways here suck).

I usually sit toward the front, and keep my nose in a book. I find that is discourages the crazies.

The bus was about half full the other evening when a woman stood up with her groceries in hand. At the same time, her pants fell down. Unfortunately for her, she was not wearing any underwear. Going commando as she was and sitting near the front of the bus, we all got a great view of her bare bottom.

She quickly hustled out the door. I’ll have to admit to not offering my help but that is because I was busy trying to keep from laughing out loud. Thank goodness for my book; I was able to bury my face in it so that there would be no chance she saw me struggling to not laugh at her.

Weight Loss Thoughts

While I was off work, I spent a considerable amount of time working with a nutritionist to get my binge eating under control. I quickly lost weight, but got stuck in a cycle. How said that, hundreds of dollars later, I have not been able to break it. I am managing my food addiction better; I no longer feel the need to mug people for their peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. However, I have yet to go an entire day without consuming some type of forbidden snack.

I find myself at an all time high just as we head into the Thanksgiving season. This is not where I want to be.

It’s my understanding that the average calorie consumption for Americans on Thanksgiving Day is between 17,000 and 21,000. Yes, that’s right, twenty-one thousand calories.

I have the hardest time at my first stop because they serve the food so late that I snack on everything under the sun. I am hitting the gym in the morning, but it would take me days to burn off what I usually eat. It makes me want to spend the day chained to the table in a vegan restaurant as, presumably, there’s only so much damage one can do binging on fruits and vegetables.

Weight Check - November 21, 2009

Current Weight: 296.5 pounds
This Week’s Weight Loss: Unknown (I have not weighed myself in a while)
Goal Weight: 140 pounds
Weight loss goal for next weigh in: Just don’t gain any weight during the holidays

It's Been a While

What a difference a misstep makes. At the beginning of the year, I came back from my trip abroad with a resolution to post new entries at least 3 times a week.

Then, I injured myself while walking up the stairs - texting while climbing stairs is a bad idea - and then lost my job and then suffered another massive medical setback.

I start work at my new job soon, and I will make an effort to be much more faithful to my blog.

Weight Check - February 7, 2009

Current Weight: 296.5 pounds
This Week's Weight Loss: 0.5 pounds
Lost To Date: 3 pounds
Pounds from Goal Weight: 156.5 pounds
Weight loss goal for next weigh in: 2.5 pounds